'Perfect lawn' is never attainable

One glorious fall season, many years ago, I had a near-perfectlawn.

In fact, to most eyes, it was perfect. But to me, well, I saw afew stray weeds barely noticeable to even the most discerning eye.

Just to be sure no weed survived, however, I opted to apply onemore treatment of post-emergent weed killer to my grass. I alsowanted to really impress the guests who would be attending a bigparty I was hosting one week later.

Off to the garden center I went, focused and determined toeliminate these few remaining stragglers. I marched into the store,made my purchase and, within a few minutes, I was back home, applyingthis product to my lawn and feeling smug that I, not the weeds, wasin control.

In a matter of minutes my mission was complete. Now all I had todo was wait a day or two to enjoy the results of every lawn owner'sdream: a weed-less lawn.

The next day, just like a child anticipating the bounty ofpresents on Christmas morning, I headed out to the front yard to seeif I could notice the effects of my anti-weed assault. That's when ithit me. My formerly near perfect lawn was now marred with yellowishcrisscrossing stripes (about the width of a chemical spreader)running all through my lawn. It looked like someone had been doingfigure 8s all over it.

Then I realized that someone was me! In my haste to treat my lawnI had purchased the wrong chemical. What I bought was not to be usedon fescue grass. It would kill it and it clearly said so on thelabel. The problem was . . . I hadn't bothered to read it!

Now what would I do? My big party was just a few days away andsuddenly, instead of showing off my lawn, I needed to cover it up!

My solution was to cut the grass really short, cover it in wheatstraw and tell everyone I had just over-seeded the lawn. The few(remaining) green blades of grass poking through would be the "new"grass, I would tell them.

The party went off well and I think I fooled all of my guests.Only I 'and my neighbors' knew the real story. Still, the morals ofthis account are obvious:

First, leave well enough alone! When we strive for perfection, weget prideful and greedy. No one would have even noticed those weedsexcept me. I should have left them alone. The lawn had never lookedbetter.

Second, be sure to read the label! I didn't know then nearly asmuch as I know now, but I learned the hard way how important thelabel information really is.

And, finally, I have mellowed greatly over the years. I mightstill dream of a perfect weed-free lawn, but I don't aspire to haveone now. Time is precious and spending it with family and friends ismore important.

Joe Lamp'l is a Master Gardener who can be reached atwww.joegardener.com.